Here's where I stand, here's who I am...love me, but don't tell me who I have to be

Alright, so yesterday I promised I would blog about my audition for the AALA Roundup show, I will get to that in a bit but first let me address my sister. She emailed me a couple of days ago about my post on my best friend being in rehab, and my worries and fears. She asked “how old are you, 12?”, and also “ no one can give you self esteem, because it comes from self”. I am addressing you here because when I started reading the email the other day, I totally closed it and didn't wanna read the rest of it. Today I finally read it, and I know that she is coming from a good place. What she doesn't know is that until about 5 to 6 months ago, a situation like that I would deal with drugs and endless hours of sex (or at least the hunt of it online, or at the baths), I would also be totally overwhelmed by these feelings, and totally devote my life to making my friend's life better and neglect mine. Today, thankfully I don't do that anymore. I know how other friends I can count on, and talk to about my feelings. I have meetings, I have a great therapist, and now I have this blog in which I express all of my feelings whether they be mature ones, or childish ones. I feel like this blog really helps me stay sane and focused. This blog lets me say what I'm feeling, letting it all out, getting it out of my head and hopefully my heart and let it loose its power. That's what this blog does for me, so yeah sometimes I feel like a 12 year old, but I certainly don't act like one anymore (unless it involves musicals, or Madonna, or Robbie Williams, tee hee, OK and sometimes men...),

As for getting self esteem from my self, yes I basically agree with that statement BUT there is a saying “you gotta fake it, till you make it” and thats what I had to do for a while. One of the major reasons I loved my best friend, was because he had self esteem out the ass, and by seeing how he carried himself in day to day life it rubbed off on me, and I was able to apply his principles to my life and therefor finding the positive in me. So my best friend isn't the one who gave me my self esteem, but he helped me get there through example. ANYWHO, onto the audition...

It went really well I think, we did a scene from Two and a Half Men and then I sang Corner of the Sky from Pippin, I got some good feedback. I always feel a little nervous during the acting part, and always feel totally comfortable with myself singing. The dance part was a breeze as well, after which they talked to two of my fellow auditioners and of course my crazy head started working it's crazy magic. Thinking that they talked to them because they were better than me, but I talked myself out of there saying I should be grateful to be part of such an amazing opportunity. I also remembered the fact the director asking me if I could possibly translate a song from English into Spanish, or vice versa. Which I said I could, I hope that it's my solo in the show, tee hee! Anyway that's it!