It's been a long road, getting from there to here...

So yesterday, right after I published my last blog I made a very startling realization. This has been the longest that I have ever been clean, EVER. My previous attempt at sobriety, started on January 15th, 2007 and ended on Grammy night of 08 (which was 2/10/08), that was one year and twenty five days, I currently have 1 year, 1 month, and 10 days. This realization last night, really strengthened my self esteem as far as my program is pertained. I could honestly give two fucks what people have to say about my program, I wish I had made this realization Saturday afternoon, because I had somewhat of an incident that made me loose faith in this program, the people in it to be exact. The speaker I had lined up for my meeting that night went M.I.A. , so I was scrambling at the last minute to find someone via phone. A lot of people were busy, or had plans they could not break, but one person called me back and said something along the following lines: “I don't feel comfortable speaking at your meeting because I don't support the way you run your program, and I don't want anyone to think that I do” I was so fucking pissed off at this douche bag! He was being selfish, and stupid in my opinion. First of all, you are not supposed to say no to a request to speak, that is my first point; but I feel that he wasn't punishing me ( I have heard him speak a million times before, and didn't really care for hearing him cry through his same ol story yet again, but I was desperate for a speaker) he was punishing the other people who attend that meeting, the newcomers who are going through rehab and haven't heard him share before, even though I may not have gotten anything from his share, he could have gotten to somebody else who may have needed to hear his story, hear his hope. Something else that I thought was, that in a sense I was being punished for my honesty; I mean does he know everyone's program who's meeting he has spoken at, or for that matter does he know if they truly have the time that the say they do!? I was having coffee with my best friend Chad the other day, and a friend of his joined us, he had 10 days of sobriety, and I was asking him about what meetings he went to, he said to me he was leery of going to meetings geared towards meth addicts because the last time he went to one, the speaker said he had 8 years, and in fact this guy had partied with him only weeks before; so he went out again after seeing him and didn't stop using for two or so years; he also shared that he wasn't comfortable with going to meetings for alcoholics because he wasn't comfortable sharing his drug experiences in those rooms. I assured him, that not everyone in the meth program is a liar, that there will definitely be others like that first speaker, or people who talk about you behind your back, but there will always be honest, loving, non-judgmental people there too. I think what I am trying to say is what I have said many times before, ain't nobody's opinion of me and/or my program gonna ever make me not show up to a meeting when I need one.