Back in business and ain't it grand? Let the good times roll...

So for the two people who read my blog, you probably noticed I have been quiet for the last week and a half or so, and boy do I have a lot to catch up on! I am writing to you today from my new room in my new sober living. Here is what happened, on Sunday the 16th I made my return to the DJ booth at my own party, Betty Ford Lounge; and it was a bust. Usually we have a crowd of about 150 to 200 people, but this time we had about 40 or so people in attendance. I of course took it personally, blaming myself for it thinking to myself things like “nobody likes you” and “nobody respects you”and “you are a horrible DJ you don't deserve success” so I did, what I rarely do, which is I drank alcoholically. Normally, I drink a couple of drinks to be social and that is it, but after having what I thought was a disastrous afternoon I wanted to drink my troubles away (I hadn't done this for 3 years now, when my best friend died of heart failure) so off I went to the Faultline (one of our local leather bars) and proceeded to drink shot after shot after shot to forget what I was feeling. I had also had a huge blowout with the asshole that was my house parent the day before, and we had gotten our internet taken away from us, so I was SO fucking tired of living at my sober living. So I came home, and I was surprisingly not SUPER drunk, to the degree that I could've just walked into my room, gone to sleep and no one would have been the wiser. My therapist thinks that I subconsciously wanted to get kicked out, and so I then proceeded to talk to half of my housemates, now I am a pretty good actor, but not enough to hide the smell of tequila. I fessed up to my drinking, and proceeded to spend the night at motel to sleep it off.

Next day, my wish is granted and I am kicked out of my sober living, I had obviously not though this through because I instantly became homeless. The first half of the day became a bit scary for me as no one was able to offer me a couch commitment, it wasn't till around 6 or 7 that my dear friend and former housemate Juan said that I could not only spend the night, but could stay with him till a bed opened up at another sober living, which is where I have been for the last week and a half. Today I took the day off from school and proceeded to move into my new sober living, which is AMAZING. I get my own room in the back of the house, I will have a dish network connection in my room, I have internet as you can see, and most importantly I get to keep my kitty with me. People still ask me to this day, why I don't think I am an alcoholic? I tell them this, I can put down a margarita down quite easily, I can NOT put down a needle filled with meth once I have picked it up, at least not till my life doesn't get turned upside down first. Will I ever turn into an alcoholic? Possibly, but not today. I will not be drinking again till I move out of this sober living, which won't be till January or February of next year when I am close to graduation from school.

I am days away from my one year anniversary off meth, which is a big deal for me, my mom and sister are coming into town tomorrow and we are spending a great weekend together enjoying each others company, they will see the man I have become and I hope that I will make them proud. For now I will just get into my jammies and get to bed so that I may wake up early enough for school, and be grateful for the bed and roof I have over me today.