I can't eat, I can't sleep anymore...

Alright, one of those is not true...as I sit in front of my laptop with a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, I am unable to sleep. I tired my usual “taking care of business” with porn...TWICE, and my other ritual of watching Golden Girls to make me sleepy, neither of which worked. I think I am a little worried to go back to school tomorrow morning.

See what happened was, I have missed a lot of school, and I was put on attendance probation, which meant that if I missed one day of school, or arrived one minute late I would be suspended for three days, and if I missed again after that I might be expelled. I did fine for a week, then I got the flu. They restarted my time when I got back, and I did fine again for the first week, but then I slept right through my alarm on Tuesday. I tried calling in that night (when the administrator would be out) and leaving this lady Nicole a message, but her box was full; so I suspended myself for three days and I go back. I am scared that I might get expelled, and I really don't want this to happen. I was finally getting the swing of hair, I understood the architecture of haircuts, color, and I was getting my groove on when it came to hair creativity. I admit hair isn't my first passion, musical theater still holds that position, but I have learned to love what I do. I am also scared to fail at something yet again, I have had so many signs that make me feel like I am a loser, and I can't finish things, I really don't need another thing telling me that feeling this way is right. I am hoping that I do not get expelled, and I get given another chance, but do you know how many chances I have gotten from this school!? I am scared that the schedule that I am on is wearing me out too much, and I won't be able to make it. This god damn flu kicked my ass, it's bad enough that I have the god damn AIDS, and hepatitis C, but that flu just knocked the wind out of me and I have been so fucking tired, I have cut down on my meetings, and still I am just pooped, I am frightened that not only will I not be able to finish school, but even if I do that I wont be able to function in the real world, with a real job. To quote Ms. Dorothy Gale...”I'm frightened Auntie Em, I'm frightened!!”