Learn to say goodbye, I yearn to say goodbye

Damn this has been one long emotional day for me. I was woken up by a text from one of my housemates telling me that he has decided to move back to Palm Springs because of all this shit that is going on at our sober living. This is a dangerous move for him, as most of his using was out there and he has mostly friends who are still tweaking and not good influences on him. His leaving reminded me that last night I had heard through the grape vine that my best friend decided to pull yet another geographical (12 step term for moving because you think THAT will cure your addiction) to Texas. So my “best friend” and one of my housemates who was one of my closest friends in the house left me abruptly (I know they didn't leave ME, but this is how my heart feels, since I do have abandonment issues). So all day I just kinda laid in bed, watching TV not wanting to deal with any of these emotions.

The clock tells me it's time to head to school, and today was the first day that I was supposed to go on the floor. I am completely terrified, because I don't feel like I am ready to cut real people's hair. As those of you who have been reading my blog know, I did my first haircut on Friday, and I fucked up half way into it. I was lucky enough to have a friend who understands where I am coming from and worked with the mistake, but I started to think, while on the bus ride to school, that I will most likely not have such understanding costumers. The last night class that graduated before me onto the floor had a whole week of practicing in the classroom, I had a day and a half. I felt so unprepared so less than, like I didn't belong on the floor yet. So I got off the bus, had dinner and turned back around to go home to make in time for a meeting.

I was in dire need of a meeting because all these emotions were getting the best of me. So I totally let it all out at the meeting and felt a great sense of relief to have let everyone in on what I was going through. It also felt great to get some amazing feedback from other hairdressers in the program who told me not to freak out, that I was in school to learn, not to be an amazing hairdresser off the bat. That indeed helped me immensely. So as I go to bed with still a sense of uncertainty as to what is going to happen tomorrow with all of us at sober living, and me at school, but at least I have done so without picking up that needle to deal with my emotions, and for that I am grateful.