The fire's got you down on both knees, and the walls are closing in, but I will break through...

This has truly been an exhausting, and somewhat emotional week for me. It started out last Monday with bed bug extermination attempt number 6 (number 7 is coming tomorrow btw) and my attempt at trying to move out of sober living was nixed by my parents, saying that they were worried by my drinking, and weren't sure if they could trust me out in the real world yet. I dove into a state of depression that I hadn't been in for a long while now, not since I was out there high. I was resorting to old behaviors of not leaving my house, except for “essentials” like cigarettes, food, or a meeting here and there...I missed school, though part of the days I missed were due to my stressed related pink eye, but the thing is I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to be in my own little depressed world watching my TiVo and not thinking about what I was gonna do for another couple of months in this place I so despise at the moment, having to deal with 8 other clashing personalities, no privacy, no complete freedom to come home as I please, or go to certain establishments as I please. Day by day though I have been slowly growing into acceptance of my situation. Just when I thought things could not get worse, my friend Nick and I had a falling out, because basically he critiqued me on my passive aggressiveness and since I felt like he was putting up a mirror to show me my faults, I figured I would put a mirror right back and point out his faults as well; that did not go over very well, and he told me never to contact him again, and I surprisingly felt this sense of relief. I am more than willing to work on my faults but I need someone who sees who I truly am, and loves me with those faults and wants to help me grow as a man, he was obviously not that type of friend. I wish him the best in his life, and as much as I would like to blog about all the things he is doing to fuck up his life, I won't go into details because it's not really my business to put his shit out there, I am better than that.

This week did end with some glimmers of hope for me though, yesterday I got a text from my friend and hairdresser Paul, asking me if I wanted to start my externship today, instead of on August 9th, to which I replied a resounding “YES!” , so today I went to the salon I will be working at now called Sugar in silverlake, and had a pretty good first day of assisting, it wasn't extremely difficult, but it wasn't a breeze either, and to cap the whole day off I got a nice visit from my sister who was visiting from Vegas, she came to pick me up along with her husband at work, and we had a nice talk at my sober living, reassuring me that if I keep doing what I am doing now (school, work, meetings, etc) that she doesn't see why in a couple of months my father won't finally see how I have grown, and how responsible I can be, and I can grow out of that immature, temper tantrum throwing boy that he's know for the last 29 years, I know that I have grown, and that I defiantly have to prove myself to him, and to show him that I can be a man and accept situations as they are and just learn to grow from them, so I shall try and show him.

So today I wanna share something that totally brings back memories of some of the few fun times I had back in PR, which was seeing my sister's choreography for fabulous drag queens and she did her take of the Kiss of the Spider-woman story with this amazing Grace Jones cover of a Rita Hayworth song “Amado Mio” so here is the FIERCE Ms. Jones performing it live in some foreign show!