Maybe I'm addicted, I'm out of control...but you're the only reason I'm trying...

I am so fucking excited that tonight marks the official beginning of the 2009 TV season! TV is truly my first addiction and I don't plan on ever doing anything about it, some of my favorites are coming back: How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, NCIS, Ghost Whisperer and Family Guy to name a few, there is also a show that I just became a fan off over the summer, that one is Bones, and of course Glee goes without saying as being one of my favorite new shows, which was created by the people who brought us Popular a while ago (one of my all time favorite shows) and of course there is the crop of new shows that I am looking forward to seeing: NCIS: LA, Flash Forward, Stargate: Universe, Eastwick and mid season replacement V! Tonight I already saw one of the newer shows I was interested in, and that one is Accidentally on Purpose, which is a sitcom on CBS starring Jenna Elfman, whom I LOVE from one of my ultimate fave shows Dharma & Greg (since I long to meet MY Greg sometime) it was cute, and promising, it has a cute premise: woman breaks up with commitment-phobic boyfriend, has a one night stand with a YOUNG guy from a bar, and gets pregnant with his kid,then ex boyfriend wants to get back together...the pilot was quite promising, but it's still to early to say whether it'll be able to keep bringing the funny week after week. I am just so grateful for my TiVo, and may I just briefly go on and on about my favorite little computer program, Tivo Desktop Plus!!?? What with my busy school/work/meeting schedule I don't always have time to watch ALL the things my TiVo records for me, so I can just transfer whatever show I wanna watch onto my computer and then convert it to an mp4 file so that I can watch it anywhere I take my Zune with me! I love the damn thing, because I have been able to take all the musical numbers from Glee and turn them into little music videos for myself, so fucking fun! Anyway, off I go to watch HIMYM and BBT before bed!

I just want something I can never have...

So I was all ready to go on a tirade about why I keep picking unavailable men, and why do I have so much crazy in me when it comes to men, but then I sat down and watched tonight's episode of How I Met Your Mother, which is by far one of my favorite sitcoms. The episode was all about the two supporting characters (Barney and Marshall) trying to trick the main character Ted out of calling this girl he just met at a bar, and unloading his big bag of crazy too soon on her, and therefor alienating her, and scaring her away. When he finally finds out that they were the ones texting him and not her, he goes on to tell them that so what if keeps alienating girls, because he is being too affectionate too early, if that happens then they are not the right girl for him.

This, I believe, once again is my higher power communicating with me the best way he/she knows how to, through the media. As I have mentioned before I think that God puts his God shots to me through movies, music, and television because he/she knows that is the best way to get a point across to me.

I have been obsessing for the last couple of days over this guy I like, who is currently at the rehab that I graduated from (YES, I know I shouldn't be slobbering over newcomers, blah blah blah) and with whom I sorta jokingly but not really talked about dating as soon as he got out. After all we have so much in common, we are both in recovery, we are both HIV and hep C positive, he totally came up to me after I shared about my rape experience and said he knew where I was coming from, so in my head I totally feel like it could work. Also he is totally my type (tall, white, muscle-y) and I am his type (short, and Latin) but I feel like maybe I am pushing him away with all my “joking” about wanting to have a relationship with him. I know I can be very pushy and overbearing, and I have been trying to control that but it is sometimes too hard to restrain myself. I am who I am, and who I am is a loving, caring, funny fella'! I had gotten to a point in my sobriety where I had a strong sense of self and did not care what people thought of me, and where I did not try to butch it up, or try to portray myself as someone that I wasn't. I lost that for some reason, and I am in dire need to find that person again. I was gonna say it's weird that I needed a sitcom to remind me of that, but honestly that is how my higher power and I work. So I am grateful for HIMYM, and its cute yet poignant message for me tonight.