So a couple of days ago I ranted about celebrities coming out, and it made me think back to my three major coming out instances in my life, I will share one of them with you right now.
The year was 1994, and I have known I was gay since I can remember. Mid way through 1993 I had started writing back and fourth with this pen pal I met from a pen pal service that I found in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, I was 13 and he was in his early 20s. I lived in Puerto Rico, and he lived in Florida, I forget where. He was always very graphic in describing his sexcapades, which I LOVED...he as a matter of fact gave me my first gay porn, and also my first straight porn (which made me extremely popular with all my classmates) . I digress, so I would always hide his letters under my bed (typical, I know!) anyway, I went out with my friends or my sister, I don't remember which to go see “What's Eating Gilbert Grape” and when I get home, my parents have this serious and concerned look on their faces. They sit me down in their bed and my mom proceeds to pull out one of my letters...I knew what was coming. First of all, they ruined my whole plan of telling them at college, but oh well. My dad began asking “are you...?” , “gay?” I finished...he nodded and I very quickly said, “yes”. Instantly came the waterworks, from my DAD...which was very strange for me to see. I had only seen him cry once before when his mother died. I understand now what he must have been going through, I guess some parents, no matter how cool and open they are, still feel a sense of loss when the life they had for their child wont happen the way they imagined it. Anyway, we had a long conversation about different things. Safe sex, discrimination, were some of the topics brought up. The weirdest question I got from my dad was...”are you like Michael Jackson?” referring to the very fresh (at the time) scandal of Michael and the little boys. “NO!!!” I hollered immediately, “HELL NO!” Quite the opposite, I thought to myself as I had always been attracted to older men, probably no thanks to him...THANKS DADDY ISSUES! Anyway, my mother of course knew, as most mothers know.
I remember a couple of months later, my dad and I were watching TV in his room, and some sort of wedding was showing, and I said “That's the kind of wedding I would like to have...” (It was big, gorgeous and dramatic of course!!) and he said “with a woman?” with this tone of hope for a change of heart from me. “No” I replied, “ with another man...”. I think that was the last time he ever questioned my sexuality. The man has grown immensely over the years, and I love him to death. Now we have a whole new batch of issues, mostly involving my drug use and lack of independence...but now it's my turn to grow, and his patience with my has grown exponentially. I am very lucky to have such great parents.
On a lighter note of things, I told my sister about a year later on New Years Eve, she dropped me off at home, and I handed her a letter as I shut the car door, and ran in the pouring rain. It merely said “Happy New Year, by the way I'm gay...oh and mom and dad know already!”...she of course knew I was gay since I was a zygote, but she was pissed at me because I told my parents before I told her. She has always been the shinning example of being an open and loving human being, she introduced me to all of her gay friends since I can remember, and she is the main reason why I am so comfortable in my own skin, as far as the gay thing goes.
Anyway, that's enough for one day, I will share my other two stories soon.
11 years ago
