Get up, stand up; stand up for your rights...

So I have felt like speaking up on something for the last couple of weeks, but I didn't wanna cause a ruckus! I have felt that the two numbers that I am featured in, in the AALA show have been neglected because they aren't complete train wrecks like others are; and there are a couple of things that have been going by the waste side, some of the dancers are sloppy, some of our choreography isn't finished, you know little things like that. I kept waiting for somebody else to bring it up, or for the director to notice and do something about it. So, with two weeks left till the show goes up, and still nothing I decided to finally let the director know how I was feeling. I wrote him that I didn't wanna sound like a diva, but that I have the same goal as he does, for the show to be amazing and flawless, and that I felt because my numbers weren't dancing disasters that they had been neglected, I must have written “please don't hate me” at least 5 times in the whole email (because I am too chicken shit to actually bring it up in person). The director could NOT have been any nicer about it, and I don't know if he was just trying to stroke my ego, or if he was truthful, or who knows, both...but he said “you shine so brightly in those two numbers that even if it all fell apart around you, no one would really notice” he also stated that my degree of professionalism makes his job a lot easier. So I felt very good about myself, and it only makes me want to work harder for the show. So I got my ego stroked, but I also feel like I grew as a person because I was always the quiet one, who never wanted to cause any trouble, and not that I did, but I would have never stood up and expressed my concerns 9 months ago, so yahy for me!

What's new pussycat?

I am gonna totally turn into an old lady for a minute and show off this adorable picture of the love of my life...my kitty Nomi, "wearing" the hat I just bought for my costume for the AALA show!

I get wings to fly, God knows I'm alive!

Wow have I been crazy or what? It is Wednesday morning, it is hump day and I can't wait for the weekend to be here for two reasons: I will have finished my hell week at school, and rehearsal's would be here!

School is going pretty good, I am very excited because this is my week of finals before I head to the floor and start taking customers. This is very scary for me, cause they are not like friends who don't mind a nick here or there, and are getting a free service. These are paying customers who have a very clear idea of what they want, God knows I wouldn't wish myself on myself, as I am one tough customer when it comes to hair. I got a 91 on my written test, now I only have my practical test on Friday on my live model, where I get to perform a haircut on her. My lovely roommate has been gracious enough to volunteer herself to be my first guinea pig. A lot of my insecurities are coming out this week and I am extra sensitive when it comes to my abilities, I am trying to work through them and I am sure that with the help of my friends, teachers and especially my higher power I will do a great job on her, and whoever comes in through the doors of our salon.

As for rehearsal's they are going AMAZING, Sunday we did two amazing things! First we met with a cheerleading instructor who helped us in learning some stunts for the finale, this totally took me back to high school when I was the co-captain of our cheerleading squad, the one little caveat to the whole thing was that my base partner (the other guy lifting the acrobat with me) is a little taller than me, and they might have to replace me because I can't seem to get his legs even, and if I end up doing another smaller stunt I know my ego would be a bit hurt by it. If that does happen I do have my big number to stroke it back up, as that is the second thing we did that day. We staged my number from beginning to end and I couldn't be happier. This character reflects me in so many different ways it's not funny. First of he smiles and sings through a whole bunch of tough situations, which I totally identify with, as I was always taught to put on a brave front, and not show your true feelings out to others as much as you can. And finally there is a line in my song, where I am supposed to happily say “Bring me a disease that he got from his ho, oh” and the reason I identify with that so much is because the reason I zero converted was because my boyfriend at the time would not have sex with me and/or date me seriously until I was HIV positive too, so I am trying to incorporate all of this into this lovely cheery number of mine.

So at the end of the day I am still tired as all hell, but my life could not be better, so I am definitely immensely grateful.

You're ugly, what the fuck gave birth to you!!??

Alright, so I've been struggling with whether or not I should share this with the world (and by the world I mean the three people following my blog) , but why start hiding shit now? So as you may recall Sunday is when we found out who got what role in the AALA show, that is when I discovered this really ugly side of myself. There was a couple of guys there that I totally did not want to have bigger parts than me. One of them was because we saw each other ALL THE TIME at meetings, but he would never really acknowledge me,the other guy was because he had dated my best friend back when I had a crush on him, but the third one was because he is one of those guys who is hot AND he knows he's hot, so he's got this huge Adonis complex and thinks he's better than everyone else, and only hangs out with other pretty people, and that totally urks me!! Cause what I love about this program is that we are all so different as far as our backgrounds are concerned, but when you get down to the nitty gritty of it we are all there because we all have the same problem: we have a problem with drugs and/or alcohol; and we need outside help in order to get back to our productive lives, in many cases to create for ourselves healthier, more productive lives. So when the first read through was over, and we all knew what we had gotten here is the breakdown of the three guys: the first one got a HUGE part, which at first made me jealous till I saw that my part was better suited for me and I totally fell in love with my part in the show. The second one got a couple of good solo lines, and I could have really given two shits about him anymore. But the last one is basically in the chorus, and boy did I rejoice in that, I saw him during our cigarette break walk outside totally pissed at not having a role in the show, and the gross part was that I could not have been any happier about it. My therapist said that I am only human, and that I shouldn't beat myself up for feeling that way. Which I am not, but I just don't particularly like myself thinking this way. Oh well, I will try and be a better person, but in the meantime I have a great role, and he doesn't HA HA!

And just for shits and giggles, I wanna share with y'all this video of one of my favorite acts in the world, who introduced the song that this post's title comes from. Ladies and gentlemen I give you the incomparable Kiki & Herb!

I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain...

Gee wilikers, I feel so confident right now. I just got out of my session with my shrink a little while ago , and I am sitting at Java Detour in WeHo just wasting time before heading to school, but I had an amazing little break through leaving my shrink's office. There is this guy who has a session right after me, but since I usually left early I never saw him, but two weeks ago I had a whole bunch of shit that I had to get off my chest, anyway that's when we ran into each other and we both totally checked each other out, that felt really good. Today I got all purtied up knowing he would be there, anyway usually when it comes to guys I am attracted to I just giggle like a teenage girl, and just run like the dickens away from the situation, but this time I had worked myself up with the help of my therapist to have the balls to say hi, introduce myself and give the guy my number. Usually my head talks me out of it, but I think the fact that I am doing so well in my life (i.e. school, friends, landing a big role in the AALA show) that I actually followed through with it. I smiled at him , said hi, and gave him my card. He in return said “Hi my name is ________” and I returned the intro. It was a total rush for me to have actually gone through with something like that, I am truly growing as a man. I know that this little instance probably doesn't seem like much to anyone, but it does to me and it totally raised my spirits up and my “go get 'em” chutzpah. Also for once I have not started building our marriage in my head, or given him too much power either. If he calls great, if not I'll live. It has really gotten me on an upswing and in fact it woke me up, to the point that when I sat down to waste time at Java Detour before school, I decided to be productive and seriously start working on getting a job. First I tweaked my resume (tee hee I said tweak) into a more general, and not so salon centered resume, so that I may expand my job search to retail and the such. After which I have been hunting for work on different sites, and signing up for job sites like monster.com ; anyway it has been a great week so far, and what little I had to complain about is really out of my mind for now.

Thats how you know, thats how you know...

WOW, what an amazing fucking day I've had. I got up early to go to our first full on rehearsal for the AALA Roundup show, and I am totally fucking stoked because I got an AMAZING role. I get my own song, and some great stuff to work with during the rest of the show. I will be singing our own version of “That's how you know” from the movie Enchanted. The funny thing is that I bought it yesterday, because I love that movie and that is my favorite song in the whole movie. The basic idea of the show is that it is a twisted circus and we are a huge cast of misfits trying to get sober. So I play this AL-ANON clown who's drunk boyfriend abuses him and uses him and he has to learn how to help his boyfriend and live with him. I have to say that my ego has been satisfied but also the fact that I am in such a huge cast with some amazing sweet people I am truly looking forward to this experience. So hurray for me, more to come...