Be Italian, you rapscallion, live today as if it may become your last...

So as I was in the middle of rehearsal today, I overheard from all the way across the room the words nine, trailer, Fergie, fabulous all in one sentence which sent me running all the way across the room to investigate.

My wish then came true, I found out the the trailer to the new Rob Marshall movie, “Nine” was out...now let me tell you that Nine is my favorite musical of ALL TIME. I have a nostalgic story to why. As I actually mentioned a couple of days ago, I went to a theater camp in the Catskills called Stagedoor Manor, where I made lots of dear friends. One of which was this beautiful, troubled girl named Joanna Rappaport...and we became the best of friends instantly for many reasons, but what first drove us together was that we had the same last name (though mine is spelled Rapoport) but we were affectionately called The Two Rapoports (people would sing that to the tune of Two Ladies from Cabaret) anyway we became extremely close when we were both cast in Hair. After that show went up, and was over with, I was cast in Chess as the arbiter and she was cast in Nine as Luisa, the main character's wife...I was of course totally focused on my show, and also I had never seen or heard of Nine so I had no idea what they were going through. Both shows shared the same stage, so we got to see each other's dress rehearsals. The moment those lights went down at the end of Act 1 I was amazed and in tears at such a beautiful show. A show which touches me even more now, when I feel like I have to say goodbye to that immature little boy in me, and have to grow up and man up.

There is a tragic part to this story, and that is that about 5 or so years after I last saw her, I got a call from a mutual friend saying that Joanna had committed suicide. It didn't surprise me as she was a very broken woman, but it still killed me to no end that I wasn't more a part of her life after we had finished camp, she was after all the reason why I went to the performing arts boarding school that I went to.

On a lighter note, while I was in boarding school, during one of our brakes I took the train down to NYC to check out the first preview of the new musical Titanic, which is written by the same man as Nine, Maury Yeston, and I had the honor of meeting him and seeing what is another one of my top ten musicals of all time. I told him all about Stagedoor Manor and how much his musical meant to me, he was very gracious and hoped that I would enjoy his new work, which of course I did. So without further ado here is the trailer to the new movie NINE.

P.S. Can I just say how AMAZING Fergie is sounding!? What an amazing vocal performance, and not sure if many people know that Fergie was once a meth addict herself, which she has spoken about in past interviews so it's not like I'm breaking her anonymity. Anyway, enjoy Nine!

I get wings to fly, God knows I'm alive!

Wow have I been crazy or what? It is Wednesday morning, it is hump day and I can't wait for the weekend to be here for two reasons: I will have finished my hell week at school, and rehearsal's would be here!

School is going pretty good, I am very excited because this is my week of finals before I head to the floor and start taking customers. This is very scary for me, cause they are not like friends who don't mind a nick here or there, and are getting a free service. These are paying customers who have a very clear idea of what they want, God knows I wouldn't wish myself on myself, as I am one tough customer when it comes to hair. I got a 91 on my written test, now I only have my practical test on Friday on my live model, where I get to perform a haircut on her. My lovely roommate has been gracious enough to volunteer herself to be my first guinea pig. A lot of my insecurities are coming out this week and I am extra sensitive when it comes to my abilities, I am trying to work through them and I am sure that with the help of my friends, teachers and especially my higher power I will do a great job on her, and whoever comes in through the doors of our salon.

As for rehearsal's they are going AMAZING, Sunday we did two amazing things! First we met with a cheerleading instructor who helped us in learning some stunts for the finale, this totally took me back to high school when I was the co-captain of our cheerleading squad, the one little caveat to the whole thing was that my base partner (the other guy lifting the acrobat with me) is a little taller than me, and they might have to replace me because I can't seem to get his legs even, and if I end up doing another smaller stunt I know my ego would be a bit hurt by it. If that does happen I do have my big number to stroke it back up, as that is the second thing we did that day. We staged my number from beginning to end and I couldn't be happier. This character reflects me in so many different ways it's not funny. First of he smiles and sings through a whole bunch of tough situations, which I totally identify with, as I was always taught to put on a brave front, and not show your true feelings out to others as much as you can. And finally there is a line in my song, where I am supposed to happily say “Bring me a disease that he got from his ho, oh” and the reason I identify with that so much is because the reason I zero converted was because my boyfriend at the time would not have sex with me and/or date me seriously until I was HIV positive too, so I am trying to incorporate all of this into this lovely cheery number of mine.

So at the end of the day I am still tired as all hell, but my life could not be better, so I am definitely immensely grateful.

Thats how you know, thats how you know...

WOW, what an amazing fucking day I've had. I got up early to go to our first full on rehearsal for the AALA Roundup show, and I am totally fucking stoked because I got an AMAZING role. I get my own song, and some great stuff to work with during the rest of the show. I will be singing our own version of “That's how you know” from the movie Enchanted. The funny thing is that I bought it yesterday, because I love that movie and that is my favorite song in the whole movie. The basic idea of the show is that it is a twisted circus and we are a huge cast of misfits trying to get sober. So I play this AL-ANON clown who's drunk boyfriend abuses him and uses him and he has to learn how to help his boyfriend and live with him. I have to say that my ego has been satisfied but also the fact that I am in such a huge cast with some amazing sweet people I am truly looking forward to this experience. So hurray for me, more to come...

These are a few of my favorite things...

So I'm feeling extra silly today, despite my being TOTALLY broke right now, so I wanna share with you some of my favorite things, I guess I will make this into different installments with different topics...but first I wanna share something that always tends to cheer me up for no apparent reason...at school there are only a handful of food options, the stale pizza across the street, chilli's , CPK, Burger King or Taco Bell...anyway the latter (which is RIGHT next door to school) has these fun little sauce packets that are meant to say things as if they were feeling/thinking beings...and these are just a couple of my favorite ones...




Anyway, I shared those cause they always bring an irrational grin to my face!

Let's start out really gay with my favorite list of stage musicals, here are my top ten succesfull stage musicals in no particular order:

Nine
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Titanic
Side Show
Sunday in the Park with George
Cabaret
Wicked
Chess
Evita
In the Heights

and just for shits and giggles here is a clip from my newest favorite, In the Heights!

Here's where I stand, here's who I am...love me, but don't tell me who I have to be

Alright, so yesterday I promised I would blog about my audition for the AALA Roundup show, I will get to that in a bit but first let me address my sister. She emailed me a couple of days ago about my post on my best friend being in rehab, and my worries and fears. She asked “how old are you, 12?”, and also “ no one can give you self esteem, because it comes from self”. I am addressing you here because when I started reading the email the other day, I totally closed it and didn't wanna read the rest of it. Today I finally read it, and I know that she is coming from a good place. What she doesn't know is that until about 5 to 6 months ago, a situation like that I would deal with drugs and endless hours of sex (or at least the hunt of it online, or at the baths), I would also be totally overwhelmed by these feelings, and totally devote my life to making my friend's life better and neglect mine. Today, thankfully I don't do that anymore. I know how other friends I can count on, and talk to about my feelings. I have meetings, I have a great therapist, and now I have this blog in which I express all of my feelings whether they be mature ones, or childish ones. I feel like this blog really helps me stay sane and focused. This blog lets me say what I'm feeling, letting it all out, getting it out of my head and hopefully my heart and let it loose its power. That's what this blog does for me, so yeah sometimes I feel like a 12 year old, but I certainly don't act like one anymore (unless it involves musicals, or Madonna, or Robbie Williams, tee hee, OK and sometimes men...),

As for getting self esteem from my self, yes I basically agree with that statement BUT there is a saying “you gotta fake it, till you make it” and thats what I had to do for a while. One of the major reasons I loved my best friend, was because he had self esteem out the ass, and by seeing how he carried himself in day to day life it rubbed off on me, and I was able to apply his principles to my life and therefor finding the positive in me. So my best friend isn't the one who gave me my self esteem, but he helped me get there through example. ANYWHO, onto the audition...

It went really well I think, we did a scene from Two and a Half Men and then I sang Corner of the Sky from Pippin, I got some good feedback. I always feel a little nervous during the acting part, and always feel totally comfortable with myself singing. The dance part was a breeze as well, after which they talked to two of my fellow auditioners and of course my crazy head started working it's crazy magic. Thinking that they talked to them because they were better than me, but I talked myself out of there saying I should be grateful to be part of such an amazing opportunity. I also remembered the fact the director asking me if I could possibly translate a song from English into Spanish, or vice versa. Which I said I could, I hope that it's my solo in the show, tee hee! Anyway that's it!

God I hope I get it, I hope I get it, how many people does he need?

Wow today was a pretty good day for me, it was my usual kick back day of catching up on my TiVo, but then I got to audition for the AALA Roundup's annual show for the convention. It was a great experience, I hadn't auditioned for a show in YEARS, almost a decade now. My self esteem going in there was pretty high, I have learned in sobriety to be self confident. I mean after all I did get into the advanced classes at boarding school, and I was cast in the first production freshman year at Wagner College, with Mr. Queer Eye himself Jai Rodriguez! And it was rare for freshmen to be cast in the first production of the year. So I pretty much nailed it I think, I got into the show, but then again everyone gets into the show (I found out later), I will start rehearsals next week and hopefully I will get a good role. My head did trip a little on the bus ride home, I was thinking that maybe I wasn't good enough or something because they did tell all of us there that we should all show up next week. I should just be grateful to have this opportunity to get back into my Broadway shoes, and I am. Trying to get outside validation is, or at least should be, old behavior for me, but one step at a time Missy one step at a time.
I am way tired, so I will share the audition details tomorrow, when I am lucid and more clear headed. Nighty night y'all!


Anyway, my music video pick for this week is an oldie but definitely a goody! The incomparable Mama Cass singing “Make Your Own Kind of Music”.

Who am I anyway? Am I my resume? That is a picture of a person I don't know...

I am a 29 year old gay (hence the Chorus Line reference above) jewish (hence the OY) puertorican (hence the PAPI) living in Los Angeles, CA. I am also HIV and HEP C positive, and a crystal meth addict in recovery.
A little history about me, I was technically born in Bogota, Colombia (South America) I was immediately adopted by Alan and Marilu Rapoport of San Juan, Puerto Rico; so even though I was born in Colombia I consider myself puertorican because that is where I was raised. My childhood was great, I was the youngest of three ( I have one sister Millie, and one brother Willie) , the baby of the family, and therefor quite the spoiled boy. My parents have always been supporting of everything, my artistic tendencies and then the gay thing when they found out. I went to an arts boarding school in Natick, MA to study musical theater; after graduating high school I tried a year of college at Wagner in Staten Island, NY; that didn't last for long. I tried a conservatory in Manhattan as well, but nothing seemed to stick with me.
I then fell into the club world by mistake, I started handing out fliers for a party called 1984 in the East Village, from there I became assistant to Chip Duckett (the promoter) in his PR firm; at some point after that we came up with this idea for a party where straight out pop of the day was played, NO REMIXES EVER! We called this little idea Pop Rocks! , I being the most knowledgeable in current pop music was delegated to DJ, after a couple of months in the basement at the Pyramid Club, we moved to Flamingo East where the party grew and grew and soon became THE it party for college boys and their fag hags, we got written up in all kinds of magazines, we were even mentioned on VH1 and Rolling Stone. Anyway while my life looked fabulous to anyone who looked at me, I had been exposed to cocaine by my friends and co-workers; which one infamous night in 1999 led me to being introduced to cyrstal meth at a bathhouse in NYC. I quickly fell in love with it, and was able to handle it quite well for a good couple of years. Then September 11th happened, I grew weary of the world we were living in and began using more heavily, also I had moved in with my boyfriend of the time Michael, who I felt was my soul mate to the point where I proposed to him, which he sort of accepted. Looking back on it we didn't know much about each other to have made such a big step, which I guess maybe he figured out because he decided to move back to New Jersey. After he left, my drug use escalated immensely, to the point where I had start shooting up; and let me tell you after I did so...all bets were off, my life quickly began to crumble.
NYC was kicking my ass, and I pulled what they call in AA/CMA a geographic, I moved to LA in September 2004 where I did my first stint at rehab. I managed to weasel my way out of there (since my parents were paying for my whole life at this point) and began using again for almost 3 years. I came back to sobriety in January 15th of 2007. I managed to stay crystal meth free for one year one month and one week, somewhere in the middle of this sobriety I decided I wasn't an alcoholic and started to drink again, this worked for a while but soon caught up with me in the form of two DUI's. Anyway so in February of 2008 I decided to go ahead and start tweeking again, I was out this time till August 29th.
My new life began when I heard a knock on the door to my trashy west hollywood apartment, and finding my sister and brother in law at my door, telling me that I needed to do something about my problem, their love and support was my moment of clarity and I thank God for them and my parents every day, without them I wouldn't be where I am today. I threw away all my drugs and paraphernalia on August 30th, and I checked into rehab on September 2nd ,the same one I had attended previously, and after graduating 2 months later, I moved into their sober living. On December 1st I began attending The Aveda Institute to work towards getting my cosmetology license . So what the hell will my blog be about? Well it'll be my diary, where I will try to keep as honest as possible. I will blog about recovery, life in sober living, school, friends, family, music, dance, theater,politics, TV, my struggles in finding a man, in finding a job, in dealing with bitches in the program...ANYTHING that comes to my mind that particular day I am blogging, it may be trivial or it may be insightful, who the hell knows? As you can tell I am not the best writer in the world, but i'm working with what I got, and if ONE person gets something out of it then it will be worth it.