Have you ever been low? Have you ever had a friend who let you down so?

In working the 12 steps, the first one is to admit I am powerless over crystal meth. I have done so with no problem whatsoever, that is a total given, the hard thing for me to do is to realize that I am powerless over my friends' actions. I find my self in a couple of situations where I want to tell people what to do, or rescue them, but it just wouldn't be right for me to do so.

First one is with one of my friends, he is truly somebody really close to me, I love him to death, but the god damn disease of addiction has overrun him again. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel, he wants to quit, but he doesn't feel like he can. I can totally identify deeply with his struggle, I have been in his position many times, and it was only for the grace of God that I was able to get back. I want to just slap him upside the head and get some sense back into him, but alas that would not be a safe place for me, as I might be tempted when I see him all fucked up. So I have to just let it go, and pray that he gets back here sooner rather than later and in somewhat healthy conditions.

The second situation is one of my other closest friends (I sure know how to pick 'em) he relapsed a couple of weeks ago with his boyfriend, luckily it only lasted for a couple of days and not months or years like me. After one day of tweeking his insanity came right back, everyone around him saw this. So thanks to his little run he has a clearer picture of what he wants to do with his life (i.e. stay sober, focus on work, getting some stable friendships) the sad part is that his boyfriend is a functioning tweeker, there is hardly any psychosis and he can go about regular menial things with no problem, so he has decided to keep tweeking. At first he tried to hide this, explaining that he forgot to let his boyfriend know where he was at ( for 12 hours), and that even though he was at his dealer's house he was not using, he was merely helping him paint. The poor sap believed him at first, but when he did this a second time he had told me that he couldn't believe that he could've fallen for that crap. To make all of this even better, their roommate has also relapsed and has proceeded to go extremely crazy. My poor friend didn't know what to do. His friends and loved ones told him to get out of there immediately, to stay with sober friends until he can figure out what to do next. This was the plan we had concocted before I went to school yesterday, but then I called him after school to see if he wanted me to stop by and visit for some cheering up, and his boyfriend was there, and it seemed like business as usual “ no no, he's fine, we're fine, I'm good thanks...”

Yes I know that none of this is ANY of my business, but I do care for these two men so much, they have so much potential in them to be great contributing members of society, and the rescuer in me wants to get in there and fix it all, but my priorities are different now. I have to take care of myself and my sobriety first and foremost. So I decided to merely vent my frustrations out on here hoping that it may lift any anxiety I may have stemming from this.