It's so hard to say goodbye, to yesterday...

I had a very sad night last night, yesterday I had found out that my best friend was seen at a meeting in town (he usually lives in Palm Springs) I had finally badgered him into picking me up after my usual 6 o'clock meeting, which he did. I was looking forward to it all day, so when he picked me up we drove around for a while and sat down for a couple of drinks (non alcoholic of course), first of all he was skinny as all hell and looked like shit, don't get me wrong he looked good for a drug addict, but it wasn't the same best friend that I totally fell head over heels for almost 6 months ago. He wasn't laughing as much as he had before, and was just not all there. He proceeded to inform me that the only reason he was in town was because last night he drove in from Palm Springs to go to the Hollywood Spa (a popular bathhouse here in town) and that after being there for 16 hours he went to a coffee shop to send out resumes (read: go online to get some more dick) this coffee shop is close to this place called the Log Cabin, where a lot of the popular West Hollywood 12 step meetings occur. He was sitting at his computer, “sending out resumes” and kept seeing people from the program he took that as a God shot telling him to go to a meeting. Anyway halfway through our little rendezvous he started getting texts one after the other one, and then he started looking at his watch. He finally said that he had to go, because the guy who's couch he was crashing on (though earlier on in the night he had told me he was going home after our little meeting) had to go to bed early (read : I need to get high and fucked again)...as we were heading back to the car, I jokingly said “if your in THAT big of a hurry you can just drop me off at a 711 a couple of blocks away and then I could walk the rest of the way home (which in reality wasn't that big of a walk, but seeing as he was in a hurry to get rid of me to get high, I was truly hurt) anyway he begrudgingly drove me home. As he parked next to my house, I grabbed his face made him stare into my eyes, and told him I loved him, and that I would be there for him whenever he needed me, he did NOT want to hear/see me. I walked out a broken man, I proceeded to call my friends who were very supportive and loving, they did what they needed to do...listen to me. It was very healing for me to be heard, and to let my emotions out! It was also brought to my attention that I probably did the exact same thing when I was high, which is so true. My friends, family, work were the last thing on my mind when I was getting fucked up, so I guess it was a taste of my own medicine, and let me tell you I didn't enjoy it very much. So I wrote him a long email letting him know that I could not see him in that condition anymore, that it hurt me to see him that way, and that it hurt to be less important than some stranger with drugs and cock. Anyway it has been quite cathartic to write this, and I am feeling a lot better.