OK, so I was all ready to blog about some new hottie at a meeting, but unfortunately I got a text from one of my housemates telling me that he had relapsed. I immediately let out the most unappealing yelp you could imagine, which surprised the hell out of another one of my housemates, who was busy facebooking.
My friend who relapsed was someone I love very much, we were sisters in this newly found sober life. The sad thing though, is that even though I am upset, and disappointed ,it is not overwhelming me. It's sad but a lot of my friends who I got close to in this sobriety have gone out, most of them thank God have come back, but some of them are still out there. So that is why I'm so fucking angry at this fucking disease/drug! That is who I hate so much right now, the drug, the disease that told my friend that he could go out once more, and that it would be fun. That shit ain't fun, it ain't cute no more. Not for us, we are addicts through and through, no doubt about it. One thing that makes me proud though, is that my friend was able to let me know what was going on, and was able to man up and face whatever music is coming his way. Because, if it was me I would still be out there, getting more and more fucked up. Performing all kinds of demoralizing acts to get more and more fucked up. The shortest amount of time that my relapse has lasted was this last time, 8 months. When I go out, I fucking stay out and disappear, my family doesn't hear from me, my friends don't know where the fuck I am, I don't show up for my responsibilities.
I have to go back to being grateful, to my sobriety, to my friends, and family. Today, was a pretty good day, very low key, which is what my Saturdays have been looking like lately, and I like it that way. Usually by Saturday I'd be on day 4 or 5 of my high, and it wasn't pretty. So the video I pick for this week's post will be dedicated to my friend who went out, and to all those of my friends who are still out there without a solution.
9 years ago
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