What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us...

So it is said that on the 7th day God rested, but who am I to rest? I've mentioned God a bit in my blog, and I have stated that I am a Jew, but me and God haven't always had this amazing relationship that we have today.

I was raised roman catholic, I've been baptized and confirmed. But I've never really fallen for the hype of this Jesus fella, don't get me wrong, I do think that he was a real person, and that he did good things in his time, but I don't believe that he was/is the son of God, well no more than you and I are children of God. My father is Jewish, but not very religious, we celebrated channukah, but that was about it. I've been to Israel twice, to visit my uncle Steve and his gazillion kids, who are all hasidic.

In high school I said that I was an atheist, but that was just to fit in with my god-less communist friends, I always believed in something greater than myself. I never gave it a name, but I learned from my mother how to be spiritual, to be thankful for what I had, and to be open to whatever is out there. I guess I always have been spiritual, I feel like I've had a conversation with God almost every day. I know this might sound crazy, but I feel like God talks to me through the best way he knows how. Media. He definitely has always talked to me through music, whether it be an amazing rendition of a Vivaldi concerto, or getting me to dance my ass off with a new Madonna jam! I also know he talks to me through TV, I am a huge TV junkie, and I feel like he knows how to reach me that way.

Let me sight you a few examples, during this last relapse it seems that God arranged for every one of my favorite shows had “a very special episode” about some sort of addiction. I felt that he was trying to get me to stop, but I wasn't ready to listen. But my theory was quite prevalent on my last day of using, I had been up for almost 10 days or so, and I was taking my TV break, which usually consisted of 3 or 4 hours of catching up on my TiVo and eating an apple. In my head I was totally getting ready for another week of amoral sex, and endless days of constant slamming (shooting dope), but for the moment I was catching up on my Law & Order: Criminal Intent's. In this episode, entitled “Brother's Keeper”, while detective Goren ( Vincent D'Onofrio) was in the process of solving a crime, he runs into his junkie brother, and it shows him struggling with how to help this broken man he loves so much. Halfway through the episode, I hear a knock at the door, my paranoia makes me think it's the police coming to get me, but as I stare through the peephole I see my brother in law and my sister standing there. Every inch of my body tells me to escape out my balcony door, but I thankfully answered the door, after some coaxing, I let them in, and they proceed to tell me how my whole family is worried about me, and how much they love me. That was my moment of clarity for me, they were all I needed to finally see how far away from my true self I had gone.

After a couple of weeks in rehab, I was invited to attend services at one of the gay temples here in town for Rosh Hashanah, and never in my life had I been so moved in a religious setting to the point of tears. It was then that I was totally in love with this temple and its teachings, and I hope to become more involved in judaism and its complex history, I look forward to my conversations with God every day because he is there for me, and I don't want this to scare away anyone from reading my blog, I am by no means I Torah thumping Jew, I still have a lot to learn about myself and Judaism, but la'haim and the amazing journey ahead of me!