Quit playing games with my heart!

Men, oh we are such simple yet complicated beings. It amazes me to this day how immature men can be, even when they pass a certain age. I have usually been attracted to older men, at first I could attribute that to unresolved daddy issues, but after all that was worked out, I basically remained attracted to them because I found them to be better in bed, and they knew what they wanted, and didn't tip toe around. The problem for me though has been that most mature men in their 40s only want to date other men in their 40s, and those who want to date younger men usually have some unresolved issues themselves. Either they feel more powerful, or they came out late in life, I really don't know. But I haven't met any quality MEN lately, for example this one hot daddy I know from meetings flirts heavily with me all the time, at one point he texted me every morning and ever night to wish me a good morning/night. But I found him to be a player, he loved playing games with my head, like making sexual innuendos but never following through, and he would start grabbing on some guys arms, and hands while looking back at me making sure that I was looking at him and his new little friend. Of course it worked at first, I would make my jealous face and then I'd play 20 questions with him about this guy. Finally I grew tired of this bullshit, he may be hot, but he's not THAT hot. It's taken me a while but I've let go of any attraction towards him, or so I thought till last night. So I saw him at a meeting, with someone else who I had a crush on (though this one I had NO CHANCE IN HELL of ever landing) so they are a cutesy little pair now, and that just brought everything out of me. I became jealous, passive aggressive to the nines, I luckily was with my good friend Tim who was in a bit of a funk , so I was gladly distracted by trying to get him out of his head. And I guess that is a tool that I learned from the program, whenever you are too in your head you should always reach out to another addict, and/or friend and it will help get you out of your head.

As for the guy that I was talking a couple of posts ago about, my attraction to him has dissipated. Don't get me wrong I still find him very hot physically, but my actions were brought into light when I was sitting at a meeting the other day, and saw this guy who was 4 or 5 years of sobriety with his hands all over this other guy who has 45 or so days, and it grossed me out to no extent, it was such an appalling sight to see that guy with time sort of taking advantage of this newcomer for his own pleasure. That is when my little light bulb went on and said, you know Gerson, that is exactly what you would be doing with that guy that you like. I will be seeing him tonight at my meeting I'm sure, and I really hope I can keep it in my pants and behave myself and keep my promise to myself, I have told everybody and their mother about whats going on, so hopefully they will all keep me in check if they see me venturing of f the path. We'll see...

Anyway, my video for this week was introduced to me by one of my blogger inspirations, and ex-roommate Joe.My.God, and it is one of my favorite songs of all time, and I dedicate it to my friends Eric and Chad.