I am beautiful, no matter what they say...

Wow, so after my big self esteem roller coaster journey this weekend, I have had a little something keeping me pretty high. I know you shouldn't solely rely on outside validation for your self esteem, but let me tell you it didn't hurt after all the self deprecation I performed this weekend. So I shared a couple of days ago about the guy I ran into on the bus, who facilitated my last relapse. Anyway, I found him on facebook, and we have been corresponding lightly on there. I asked him out to a movie this weekend, but he is busy working and so we set on next weekend. After we agreed to that, and I headed to school he sent me this sweet note on there, which was a great surprise to me when I got home a couple of hours ago. He wrote “You are a very sweet guy by the way”...sure my head began reeling and it also began asking myself “What is his angle?”, “what does he want from me?”...I mean someone that gorgeous usually doesn't go for a guy like me, is what I keep telling myself over and over. I honestly had to sit myself down, quiet myself up, meditate and think...why is he attracted to me? What could I possibly have that he finds attractive? Maybe the fact that I haven't picked up a needle in almost 10 months, how about the fact that I am taking care of myself by becoming a strong productive member of my community, how about the fact that I have set my mind on something scary, but exciting that will lead to an amazing life/career. Sure I still live at a sober living, sure I may still be a bit over my usual weight, but these are issues that will take care of themselves in good time. I may not be the best catch out there, yet...but I am sure working hard as all hell to make myself into a better man. So even though I am not totally self confident by myself, I am sure getting there.