Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol!

So as you might have noticed, my sobriety counter has disappeared off my page. Let me get something clear, I did NOT put meth or any other hard drug in my body, but I did drink...ALOT! I need to come clean about something, last night was NOT the first time that I drank...my first drink was on my natal birthday, where I celebrated with a margarita at Disneyland, I have had some glasses of wine with dinner and have had a couple of cocktails here and there, but last night I overindulged myself. I saw that I wasn't gonna make it to curfew so I told my houseparent what I did, and he came to pick me up. For one night of drinking I did alot of wrecking, and not just to myself. I lost my time, cost two people their jobs, and I feel like I may be loosing one my closest friends because of it. Those last two are the ones that are wrecking me the most, I changed two peoples lives with one stupid night of drinking, and a big mouth. I love these two men with all my heart and it kills me to no end that my stupidity hurt others. And then there's Nick, my best friend...when I saw him today, I could tell that his energy towards me has changed. He told me that he was scared and worried for me, and that it also worries him how much wreckage I caused that affected others, and that he's scared that I could do the same to him. I went to a meeting tonight, where the speaker shared a similar story about himself, which truly touched me and started to make me think, because originally I hadn't planned on reseting my time because I don't think of myself as an alcoholic! But what he said truly moved me, and then I was talking to one of the guys from the rehab I went to, sharing my fear of losing friends in the program if I didn't reset my time, and how adamant I was about doing it. He said something very wise to me, that truly got to me...he asked me "would you rather loose your friends, or a number?" THAT is what got me, because as embarassing as it will be to stand up as a newcomer for the next 28 days, I will hopefuly still have my friends there for me. So as I get ready to hit the sack at my friend Tim's place, I hope that my brain will catch up to my heart and understand that I may be an alcoholic, and I could possibly not drink ever again. Though to be totally honest, this is my plan. I will for sure not drink while I am living at a sober living, and secondly I will not drink till I am done working the 12 steps of the program, afterwhich I will reconsider the whole drinking issue. The speaker said that after he worked the 12 steps, he was assured that he was also an alcoholic, and that he was forever changed. So I guess i'll wait for the miracle to happen.